How to create a different outcome.

I wasn’t happy. I felt like people didn’t understand me, I didn’t have many close people in my life. I was sick of myself if I am completely honest.

I was a victim.

When someone finally called me out on my behaviour and told me I was being a victim my initial response was anger, I was in complete denial “I’m not, I thought, it’s everyone else..”

I now see this as a typical victim statement. I wasn’t taking any responsibility for myself, I was blaming others. I had to take responsibility for myself. I wanted to change what was happening in my life, how people treated me, my circumstances as is just wasn’t working for me anymore. To do this I had to change.

I recently expressed this to a fellow victim. Who doesn’t see themselves as one. I said if he wanted to get a different result from people, he had to be different. “That’s too hard, they should accept me as I am” he said. True I agreed, however when he explained what was happening it was that people thought he was cranky and rude. Are you? I asked. Yes he replied. So what if you changed that, what if you smiled and didn’t project your anger around? What if you gave them no reason to call you cranky and rude, what if they called you pleasant and easy going? He couldn’t see my point. He just blamed them for being assholes. I said nothing more.

Here’s the thing, people should like you for you. You shouldn’t need to change. However, think about your behaviour, look at it from a bystanders perspective, would you want to spend time with someone like you? are you being the best you can be? Are you a drainer or are you an energy giver? When I did this back when I was going through this, the answer was no, I was being an energy drainer, I wasn’t being the type of person I would want to hang out with. I was a moody, grump, who complained about their life all the time. It’s draining. I want to spend time with people who are motivated, have goals, speak nicely about others.. that’s the type of people I want to be with. So guess what? That’s who I have to be!

When the same thing keeps showing up in your life, what is the common thread. It’s you. You are always there. To change it, you need to identify what you can do differently to avoid that same thing reappearing. Yes it isn’t easy. You need to analyse yourself, identify behaviours in yourself you may not like, that’s what it takes though.

We have to identify what we aren’t satisfied with in our lives, what could we do differently to change the outcome. I can change my actions, I can change my perception, I can change my mood, I can’t change anyone else. I wanted badly for my life to change. So I had to CHANGE.

I am still me!

I project happiness now, I don’t get so upset about what others do or say. I don’t listen to gossip, I don’t care to hear others opinions of me. That’s not my business. I have a strong belief about who I am and my value. So when others say differently, it doesn’t effect me. I know who I am.

I’m not perfect I still have bad days, I had a negative thought pattern and self talk for so long, it creeps back sometimes. More so when I am tired and hormonal. However, I can identify it now. I can acknowledge it and stop it in its tracks. “I don’t need to do that anymore” I say to myself and smile. I pat myself on the back for the progress I have made.

I used to make my life hard. I actually believed I was supposed to struggle. I don’t anymore. I am not in victim mode. It’s FREED me to be out of it.

Are you a Victim? Or are you a Victor?

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